This post is quite different than my post of Sorry Hun I didn’t know
But of course all new moms think their off spring are special. Whereas I just thought growing up, I was weird. Weak.
The most profound memory I have would be after visiting Toronto. Growing up in a small community it was an adventure as an independant teenager to travel to the big city. I remember however, upon arriving, I would occasionally become agitated. Agitation would quickly turn to exhaustion with my arrival home. I would spend days in retrieving into my room-locked up and isolated. This anxiety isolation cycle would even spiral into bouts of depression.
It wasn’t until firstborn came along did I see, get to observe the duplicating cycle. We were at a fall fair, it was early evening and the lights of the midway were flashing. In the grandest way there was also carnival music blaring. As I turned a corner pushing the stroller with her as a toddler in it, it was almost instantly too much. Too much noise, too much light.
She fussed incessantly and was only soothed when I held her in my arms. Even in holding her, she climbed up my chest to my shoulder, very much like a frightened kitten does. Complete contentment was achieved only when a blanket covered, protected and shielded her from the fanfare.
Second born followed the same pattern. Although not quite as fussy (sensitive) as a newborn, by the time she was a toddler she was the one that I proudly chimed “wore her heart on her sleeve”. Purpose, passion combined with strong determination and knowing of what she wanted left us with many photos of her in outfits of her own creation.
And lastly, the third with the combination of her two sisters in dealing with her world. We laugh still in remembering the summer days at the beach. Her need for rest would be filled with me cradling her in my arms as I walked up and down, back and forth along the shore. As the waves would rush up to my toes, sweat would be running down the folds of my arms. She as well needed a blanket to shield and protect her from the noises and sounds of a busy day at the beach.
Here’s the best way I describe it: imagine a funnel at the top of your head, coming into your body. Rather than the part at the bottom being small, ours is often (not always but often) wide open. This wide open part gets to be too much.
We do not need meds.
We do need organization and high levels of self care-which I will write about another time. We also need tight boundaries, particularly when it comes to social media. I was jubilant and excited upon awakening to see a text……..and want to reassure all the other empaths of the world…..you got this!
You are not sick, unwell, weird or weak…..