Beyond the studies……cutting

Just as the perfect storm gathered last week within the environment, as well, the perfect storm within my walls was created.  Unlike the likes of Sandy and those just as powerful before her, my storm, I didn’t see coming.  I had no idea.

Winds, moisture, pressure, temperatures and even the moon, a merging of weather systems, all forces that align to make Sandy strong.

In looking back I do now see the factors; change in schools, lack of unconditional love from one important and crucial relationship, sense of purpose, depression and lets not forget the crazy teen hormones.  In not demeaning the significance of these factors I will say that in all honesty, these are things that teens have been going through for decades.  I’m sure you can all at one point in your life recall experiences in one or any one of these.

What has changed is the level of acceptance.  As well, the pace that life can have us in it’s grasp with.  Families are stressed, kids are stressed.  Stress levels are extreme and children are painfully aware.

Teens and Tweens: Sad, Worried, Frustrated:
Nearly half of tweens (47 percent) and one-third of teens (33 percent) say they feel sad; one third of tweens (36 percent) and 43 percent of teens say they feel worried; and one-quarter (25 percent) of tweens and 38 percent of teens say they feel frustrated when their parents are stressed.” (http://stress.about.com/b/2010/11/10/survey-american-families-are-stressed.htm)

Considering 46% of teens hurt themselves on purpose, we need to talk.  That means if you have 4 kids, 2 of them are participating in cutting.

I have now, been in the storm and am on the other side of the stormy waters.

As this storm unfolded last week I quickly went into action.  First, the internet.  Oh man, with a couple of searches by this point I knew the roots and I was very dissatisfied with what I needed to find.  I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for.  I knew of and shared with her my teen journey into all those questions and I KNEW she would be ok.

When a fish is ill you don’t treat the fish, you treat the water. 

In reaching out to my support network of professionals and those that I trust, the verdict was unanimous.  This needs to be talked about.

Please know that I am merely sharing my journey with this.  I am not a medical professional.  I do so choose to manage all health aspects from a more holistic approach.

Let’s start at the beginning.  Just take notice. In looking back at some clues/patterns that not only I was oblivious to but also my 18 year old.  There were some signs that we never connected.  After all, we’ve got it all together, this sort of thing just doesn’t happen to people like us.

*excessive alone time, particularly in their room
*change in eating or health care patterns that were once a priority eg skipping breakfast, not taking supplements, consuming high sugar (comfort) foods
*yes, even the wearing of long sleeved garments I missed
*and yes, even the excessive wearing of bracelets I as well missed
*dis-interest in hobbies or activities that they once participated with much enthusiasm

My message to the kids:

-regardless of what you think in your mind, you MUST know that there are adults, grown ups that care love and support you nonjudgmentally and unconditionally
-find these adults and ask and ask and ask again for help
-listen to and trust yourself and your instincts with these adults
-keep communication open with these folks
-this is not about you.  It’s what is happening to you
-recognize, understand and respect the fact that your actions affect those around you.  Those that love you will be hurt, mad, scared as well.
-take responsibility for your actions
-accept change

My message to the adults:

-this does happen to good people and good families
-it’s going to be a roller coaster ride, but allow yourself to feel any and everything.  The sooner you do, the sooner you can move on to help the child and yourself
-accept a level of responsibility as well.  There is ALWAYS room for improvement.
-accept change
-treat the water.  Involve all family members
-look at your life and ask yourself:  am I doing what I love?  Am I stressed?  Am I rushing?  Am I giving my kids responsibilities?  Do I stop, drop (what I am doing) and listen?

OUR WELLNESS, MOVING FORWARD REGIME:

As I stated earlier,  I am merely sharing my journey with this.  I am not a medical professional.  I do so choose to manage all health aspects from a more holistic approach.  I as well prefer to learn from those that have walked the walk.  I sincerely hope that this helps you.

-A healthy balanced breakfast.  She loves these because their fast, quick, healthy, yummy and she can make them herself.
-Enough quality food and snacks for the day at school complete with fruits and vegetables and minimal to no sugary snacks
-Supplements each and every single day.  For the next couple of weeks it’s twice a day. Fish oils, multi-mineral and antioxidants, vit D
-We will visit our family doctor on the suggestion from the counselor.  Not so much for a diagnoses or pharmaceuticals, just for a check in.
-Limited time on the internet in order to focus more on herself and her “water” and that usage is in the compound of family/community space.  This is mainly to create the sense of belonging and one of my weakest parenting areas, boundaries.
-Rather than just keeping them busy with chauffeuring from one activity to another, find out what they LOVE to do. Support them in this.
-Exercise.  I cannot stress enough on this, even walking.  From what I see, there is a huge population that is involved, over-scheduled with numerous activities.  Some is good more is definitely not better.  This may as well add to stress for all.
-Make a plan.  ACTUALLY make a plan.  Talk about it, write it down and hold accountability
-Gratitude Journal.  We have been off and on this.  Now it’s on!  We want to focus on the good stuff.  Although personal, each journal will come to the Sunday night family planning
-Start a Sunday night family planning
-EFT.  Emotional Freedom Tapping.  For just this week a gentle tapping on the arm, from the elbow down to the wrist.  Next week some language to accompany it.  Then onto a “geared to teens” session with my Reiki Master
-Prayer.  Continue to thank God for this day and to guard and guide
-LOVE.  LOVE.  LOVE.  It really can cure all.  It’s free.
Louise Hay and loving your nose hairs, everyday

I want to thank you for stopping and reading this.  I feel for you if this is a part of your journey right now.

But know, that ALL WILL BE WELL.

Peace to you


When you, your family and your teen are ready, a message for you

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6 thoughts on “Beyond the studies……cutting

  1. I have written a self-help eBook for tweens, teens, and parents. You might be interested in reading 101 SECRETS! A Backpack of Inspiration and Hope for Tweens.

    It’s a tween guide to a happier and more purposeful life, now and in the future.With this eBook you will learn how you can help preteens in your life deal with emotional monsters in a constructive way. This self-help guide for tweens and adults offers suggestions, wisdom, and encouraging stories that will deflate the worse fears and habits of preteens. Preteens will learn to deal more effectively with their worries, insecurities, anger, blame, bullies, and fear itself.

    They will discover strategies for making friends, doing better in school, learning how to be happier and more purposeful in life—starting today! This is a must-read book for preteens, teens, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and teachers.

    If you’re interested in a free copy, please let me know.

    • Hello Joe. Thank you so much for your comment and offer.

      Yes, as I am committed to “figuring out how to do the right thing and be happy”, I am open and willing to receive your gift. With much gratitude, I thank you.

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